One of my most surprising milestones in 2021: I was able to write & publish more often than ever!! I even consider it as my safe space - regardless of what happens, I will be okay if I can still write. Looking back, I have always liked writing. I had a blog in middle school and I remember back then I enjoyed doing writing tests as well. Now that I’ve been writing regularly for some time and still planning to do so, I would like to take time to think more about it...

Why do I write?

In general, I think there are some reasons on why I’m trying to write consistently:

• I write to make sense of my scattered thoughts and feelings - I personally think this is the magic of writing and why writing is often being called a therapy. Similar to how a therapist could help people to untangle their mind, when I write about certain things, it somehow often starts to make sense - especially if I write with an intention to publish it, which somehow also forces me to be more coherent.
•  I write to practice being more honest with myself. It feels liberating & fulfilling to admit my mistakes, my bads, my doubts & my negative thoughts. It's also nice to go back reading the downs in my life & thinking "I don't wanna go back experiencing this again" or "I'm such a stupid one worrying over this". 
• I write to give my future self advice and motivation. It's nice to write something when I'm in my best state of mind, being all-wise & knowing what to do, to then revisit it when I'm not in my best state & be reminded of what I believe in and what matters.
• I write to express myself. Like many people, I also need a channel to express myself and writing is undoubtedly one of my favorite ways to do it. If you know me in real life… I might give different vibes compared to things I write. But hey, this is also me. This is what I think, this is what I experienced, this is my story. It might not be comfortable to be this version of me offline, but through my writings, I can.
• I write to open up new opportunities. I once got advice from a stranger I met on reddit, that putting yourselves out there might connect you with people you resonate with. Also, who knows if one day I can become a full-time writer?
• As much as I want to think that I’m writing mainly for myself, but it feels good when someone says that my writings are helpful for them, that my writings comfort them, that my writings make them feel less lonely. (Wait actually in a way it’s for myself as well hahaha). I’ve said this many times but I’m someone who often learns and/or be comforted by others' honest writings - be it songs, movies, mangas, writings, or others. I think it’s very wonderful if someone out there could feel the same through what I write. And actually, to a certain degree I also often ask myself when I write, “will this bring comfort? will this bring benefit?”..well I will elaborate more below related to this.
  

The Dilemmas

#1 Do I sound like a mrs-know-it-all?

I am a very skeptical person, especially when it comes to things related to personal growth. For me, it’s hard to find books and motivators that really resonate with me. Not only because of the content but also because I feel like many of them often generalize things too easily, aiming to be more believable. You MUST do xxx if you want to succeed. 3 mindsets that WILL DEFINITELY CHANGE your life. Well, what if they don’t? :”) However, please don’t get me wrong. I’m not against it. I believe some people are saved by that kind of tonality as well. (or many people - seeing the number of contents with that tonality). I guess it’s just not for me. 

That’s why in writing, I try to emphasize that these are based on my experience and my own opinion. It’s more like: “These are what work for me. You can try yourself & see if they work for you too.” Instead of straightly telling people what to do, I prefer adding perspectives and letting people digest themselves whether it could be beneficial for them or not. If you realize.. I think I’ve been overusing these words: Might, Maybe, I think, For me, Many, I Guess, Mostly, Often, As per my understanding, etc. I believe personal growth - as the phrase itself says - is personal. There’s no 1 shoe that fits all. Not everyone performs their best when they wake up early. Not everyone needs to read 1 book per month to become successful. Not everyone needs a dedicated mentor. Therefore, please kindly let me know if somehow I have ever generalized things too easily & let’s have a healthy discussion.

Also, there’s a concept that I read in Derek Sivers’ book: “Hell yeah or No” related to this which I really like.

People will give advice based on their current situation. They can’t know everything about you and your unique situation. Asking advice should be like echolocation, bounce ideas off of all of our surroundings, and listen to the echoes to get the whole picture. Only you know what to do, based on all the feedbacks you’ve received and all your personal nuances that no one else knows.

I think this is what works best for me. To not blindly follow what people say and assess em personally - because only I know my situation best.

#2 Is this beneficial enough?

I can’t help to often feel like my writings are not that “beneficial” for others. Like, there’s no direct takeaway & solution that people can get. Sometimes I even consult with my closest ones about this. But then when I think about the songs, writings, mangas that help me… not all of them are directly beneficial as well. Often they just comfort me and it’s exactly what I need at that moment. I believe we need different things at different points in life. Maybe sometimes all we need at the moment is to feel comforted that it’s ok to feel certain ways and that it’s ok if we don’t know the solutions yet. 

There’s also some relatable lines that I read in INTP Book that I think really struck me (INTP is my MBTI personality type):

INTPs’ role is to explore and proffer questions or ideas, not deliver immediate answers. They may assume that the world has no use for their questions, their skepticism, or their creativity. The truth is that the world needs them to ask probing questions, to poke holes in existing theories, and to provide creative or explorative “food for thought.” Remembering these things may help INTPs be more patient and comfortable leaving their ideas open-ended. Sure, they will gradually develop and refine their understanding of themselves and their interest areas over time, but they are wise to resist the allure of the “shotgun approach,” in which they try to get things settled all at once. If the overall point is for INTPs to engross themselves in stimulating and meaningful explorations, what is the point of trying to rush to conclusions?

And hey, didn’t I say before that I’m writing mainly for myself? 

Nevertheless, writing has been an extremely meaningful experience for me. And I'd like to also take this moment to say...

THANK YOU.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for letting me know your thoughts.

Thank you for supporting me.

Thank you for your encouragement when my writings sound sad & asking me if I'm okay.

(Of course, sometimes I'm not okay but I'm okay with it)

You're one of the reasons why I keep writing & I'm utterly grateful to have you!
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P.S. I might change or add more thoughts in the future ;) Actually I feel like this writing is very personal and it’s not “directly beneficial” but I just want to write it down. Hope you enjoyed reading it!

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