Who is the person you need the most? Family? Friends? Lover?

These 3 are the people that people usually call as the ones they need the most, or their everything.

Why?

Maybe because they feed you, they are there when you need emotional support, they buy you things, they pay for your tuition fee, they are fun to hang out with, they listen to your stories, and so on.

Or people might answer God but I personally don’t believe in God who creates, so it clearly won’t be my answer.

That all might be the answer if we define the most important person by the subject (name/category of a person). But how if we need to define who is the person we need the most in a personality? Would it be loving? Kind? Generous?

For me, it would be “someone who I can be vulnerable with”.

Whether he/she is a lover, a family member, a friend, or even a friend that I don’t usually hang out with, it doesn’t matter.

Being vulnerable in my dictionary now means:

You can talk whatever you’re thinking about without fear of being judged.

You can pour out your sadness, even if it’s just because you saw a stray cat on the street, and being listened properly. Cause to you, it does matter.

You can look weak and rant about things despite of the strength that you showcased, and being understood that strong people have a lot of insecurities too.

You can be sick and they will take care of you.

You can be yourself, your true-est self around them.

You can stay up all night with them, telling your fear of being kidnapped after watching a psycopath movie, and they will calm you because they know that thought is filling up your head til you can’t sleep properly. They understand that at that time, you’re really scared of the world.

Wow, doesn’t it sound beautiful?

The beauty of being vulnerable

Yes, being vulnerable to someone might mean that you’re allowing that someone to kill you. Giving them a free pass to hurt you and tear you apart. Cause they know your secrets, your weakness; they know how to break you apart. But if you’re being vulnerable to the right person -

it will make you stronger and embracing your scars more. Other people are doing it, why can’t we?

It will make you feel like there’s actually this someone who knows your scars and accepting you for who you actually are.

It will make you feel loved for who you are.

It will allow you to discover beautiful people.

And it is indeed, one of the most wonderful thing in this life. To be loved in our imperfections.

I personally think that someone who I can be vulnerable with will make me much stronger than someone who acknowledges my strengths. Someone who knows my scars and still loves me much will make me feel loved much more than someone who loves me because they like the goods in me. It is also actually a wonderful thing that I can offer for that someone too; because I let many people know my strengths and my happy moments, but not the scars and the downside of me.

I also learn that constantly showcasing your downside to many people won’t help. Some of them don’t really care; they are just curious or want to know the latest gossip, don’t they?

Sounds like magic?

Well, of course that someone I’ve been telling you about is super hard to find, if not impossible. Then will I not be able to meet the most important person in my life?

The answer is,

I still don’t know yet cause I have just lived for 21 years and we never know the future. Maybe the impossible can come? Or maybe they are all around us all this time, it’s just that we resist to open up?

But nevertheless,

For the time being,

While maybe trying to search for that someone,

How about we break our vulnerability into pieces so we can come to different person for each of our vulnerability aspect? Breaking it down and find the right person for each aspect sounds easier than searching for a full package, don’t you think so? And if there’s an aspect of your vulnerability in which you have no one to share it with, then you could try to find that right person.

Actually it’s what I have been trying to do though.

As I grow up I learn that it’s my parents who really care about me when I’m sick. So I’m letting myself to be sick in front of them. But I might not be able to freely talk about my relationship problem as they will judge my partner and (especially in my environment) parents play a big part in approving our lover. Another example: for sharing about some specific things that I’m interested about, I will go to my friends who are also interested in it. For sharing about my anxiety in entering “real work” world soon; I will go to my other friends who I know have the same anxiety, and also people who have been through that anxiety.

There’s one more important thing that I want to tell you.

While searching for that someone, don’t forget to try to be that reliable someone who people can be vulnerable with. You might be that someone who another someone needs the most.

So.. are you ready to open up, be vulnerable and experience wonderful things in your life?

‍

(This post was originally published on 22 February 2018)