“How can she live with her boyfriend? They haven’t even married yet.”

“A girl with tattoos is indeed a naughty one.”

“Boys who use makeup are gay.”

“Those LGBTQs will surely go to hell, I MUST save them!”

Do you ever feel that you put your nose in others’ faces too often? (Re: minding other people’s business)

Well, me too.

More than 7 billion people in this world, with different races, different religions, different personalities, different point of views, and of course, different thoughts.

I must admit that it is hard to live with those differences.

We often don’t realize that we are minding other people’s business too much. Not only minding as in we directly interfere others’ life, but also as in it produces toxic thoughts – the kind of thoughts that bring us a negative mind.

Then, how to live a less toxic life?

“Every religion is the same, they teach kindness.” – have you ever heard of this?

There are roughly 4200 religions in this world. In my opinion, yes maybe most of them are teaching kindness. But, it’s not that simple. The “kindness” in every religion is different.

Simple example: for Muslims, sacrificing animals during several occasions is kindness, a right thing to do. For Buddhists, absolutely not! Buddhists believe that killing animal is a sin, so it’s a wrong thing to do. But should we try to convince Muslims not to do that? Because it’s good to help others living a better life (based on our beliefs)? No.

For me, I divide my definition of right and wrong into 2 types.

The Generals

I define the generals as the definition that I need to apply to everyone. As long as it doesn’t hurt other people, then I won’t say it’s a wrong thing to do. As long as it brings positive impacts to others, then it’s a right thing to do. But actually this kind of definition is still quite blurry too. If something can hurt me, doesn’t mean that it will 100% surely hurt you too. Until now, I still use my common sense and try to put myself in others’ shoe too. Additional notes: If it’s not wrong, doesn’t mean it’s right. If it’s not right, doesn’t mean it’s wrong too.

The Not-Generals

The not-general is the definition that I will apply to myself. Every person has a point of view of what is wrong and what is right, despite from the generals; a point of view that can’t be applied to everyone. For example: because I’m a Buddhist, I believe that killing animal is a sin, including eating live seafood – therefore I try my best not to do it. But then it doesn’t mean that I need to interfere with other people’s life and scold them when they eat live seafood. I keep the definition for myself because it’s me who believe that it’s true.

These definitions have been helping me a lot in living a less toxic life. When I try to think and act using these 2 definitions, I know better when are the times to voice my opinion and have a more not-biased thought. When seeing someone living his/her life according their not-generals definition, I try not to mind it even though it’s wrong according to my not-generals definition.

Now let’s think again:

Does couple that live together hurt other people?

Does someone with tattoos hurt other people?

Does boy who use makeup hurt other people?

Does LGBTQ hurt other people?

Everyone has their own way to be happy, and it is most likely different for each of us. If what they do doesn’t hurt others, is it that hard to let them be happy in their own way?

Ps: things I wrote here is inspired by what happens in my country – Indonesia. In Indonesia, people are still badmouthing over couple who lives together but hasn’t married yet, LGBTQ, girls with tattoos, and so on.

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(This post was originally published on 18 November 2017)