We ain’t perfect — I believe it’s a universally accepted fact. However, I also believe there are people like me (well, maybe lots lol) that set a high expectation of themselves, have super cramped space for mistakes, are terrified with failures….basically, somehow longing to be closer to perfect. As time goes by I realize these are not healthy for me and I need to do something about them. Below are the things that help me. They might not work for you — but no harm in trying to know, don’t you think so?

Admitting Harsh Truths

I once read that there’s this cute superhero in A Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck book called Disappointment Panda. Their superpower is to tell people harsh truths about themselves that they needed to hear but didn’t want to accept. When we’re aiming to be closer to perfect, somehow it can make us denying the harsh truths — our mistakes. sins, or weaknesses. I don’t want to be this kind of person. Despite whether I’ll do something about it, I believe it’s necessary to admit the harsh truth. However, admitting the harsh truth isn’t easy, especially to other people. It’s challenging to find the right person to be vulnerable with as I don’t trust people and couldn’t be comfortable with others easily. But there’s this one person who I think needs to know it most, who I also wish to have the best relationship with — myself. Therefore I start becoming a Disappointment Panda to myself. I admit when I do things to impress people. I admit that I still judge people in my mind. I admit when I secretly envy others. I admit that there are times I support things that I disagree with. I admit that I’m not good at taking care of others. I admit that I’m an egoist. I admit that I’m actually super competitive. Wow, that’s a long list and actually I could still go on or break em down to specific details. Knowing that there are lots of harsh truths and the universal fact that we ain’t perfect, I believe it’s impossible to fix them all. Hence I just pick and choose which ones I want to improve and work on them. Sometimes I deliberately and consciously do sins as well, but I try to make sure they’re worth it. Admitting harsh truths is liberating for me. I find myself become more “human” and can accept my imperfections better, as well as feeling more in control cause I’m the one who decides which I want to improve.

Doing Things Intentionally

As a Disappointment Panda to myself, I also admit that there are just things that I can’t do or be good at naturally. Not only things that need “talent” in conventional meaning like singing or drawing — but also things that seem simple such as offering food to others, inviting people to lunch, talking in a group conversation, and so on. Therefore, there are things that I need to do intentionally if I want to be better at it. Fake it ’til you make it, people say. Before doing this, I used to be solely mad at myself when I can’t do simple things naturally. Now, I compliment myself when I intentionally do things I’m not naturally good at. People might think it’s weird that I often write notes or even practicing what I want to say before talking to someone in a simple setting, but for me, it means I’m trying to be a better person. Heard this somewhere and I agree with it: people who still talk even though their voice cracks are admirable.

You Don’t Have to Win

Okay, so I have admitted my harsh truths. I have chosen things I want to improve. I have done things intentionally. But you know what… not everything’s gonna work the way I want to. Not a surprise. Still, many times I resented myself because of it — especially when I have put my effort. Therefore I try telling myself, “You don’t have to win,” and stick the words on my wall. “Win” in this context is not necessarily about competition or comparing myself to others, instead it’s mostly about the inner non-sense battle I have with myself. There might be various reasons why I don’t win. It can be that I don’t put in enough effort. It can be because of external factors. It can also be because I don’t do good deeds enough (as I’m someone who believes in Karma lol). Trying to adopt this mindset helps me to keep sane and suppress my competitive nature. However, there are times when this mindset is not enough to keep me sane. If that’s the case, I would then ask myself a magical question that often saves me: “What’s the worst that can happen?” Turns out when I think about it… in many cases, there won’t be any significant insolvable impact if I don’t win. Even if there is any, I often find myself can think of backup plans to save the situation.

A not-so-fun fact, I’m still trying my best to apply these in my life. As always, I like to write things as a reminder for myself too. I hope all of us can make peace with our imperfections in our own way!🌻

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(This post was originally published on 2 May 2021)