How Do I Really Know Whether I Have Moved On or not?

There’s this one line from Jessie J’s Who You Are that I like: Everyone is Bruising. A line that conveys that everyone has their own sadness, traumas, struggles, problems, or whatever you call it. There are light bruises - easy come, easy go. Don’t hurt that much. But there are also crippling bruises which caused a deep wound in our heart. And everyone has their own way to deal with theirs.

How I Deal with Mine

As someone who has a talent for suppressing my negative emotions immediately, growing up I was always surrounded by people who think that I’m a strong and cheerful person. Usually even when I’m feeling down, people won’t notice and on the daily surface I would still act okay. I remember one of my exes once was angry because in the middle of our fight I could still joke around with my friends. I also remember I once had a traumatic event one morning but when I arrived at school I could tell my friends the event in a joking manner. Now that I look back, I guess joking around has always been my shield. I think I’d cry if I tell it in a serious manner. I’m also the type who always tries to keep myself busy so I don’t have time to sit down & think about things that bother me. I did so many things during my uni life to the point that I’ve heard people telling me I’m cool, but no my friends. Big part of it is just my way of coping up with life. I used to be so terrified at the thought of having free time.

The After-Effect

Aaand because of this talent, I have been confused about things I feel. Have I moved on? Am I really okay? Or am I too ignorant? But there were those days when I finally have time alone & being sentimental - I would think about all those piling bruises & teared up. Then I’d be busy and suppress the bruises again, and the vicious cycle went on and on.

It took a pretty long journey for me to be more honest with myself - and finally determine what moving on from something really means.

Moving on means that when I sit down and thinking about particular bruises, I’m not feeling blue anymore. I’m not bothered by it anymore.

I will never forget, but those bruises won’t have the power to bring me down anymore. it feels liberating. It would take much longer to move on if the bruises were caused by someone dear to me, but I believe that it’s the nature of humans, we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. Imagine if it’s a stranger vs your mom who tells bad things about you. You’ll be hurt more if it’s your mom who says it. This belief helped me to put the matter in perspective. 

But..How?

If you asked me, how to move on? Honestly I’m not really sure. There are bruises that I haven’t moved on from as well. I think I never really intentionally & consciously put an effort into moving on. Some things are harder when you put pressure on it, don’t you think so? But now that I’m thinking about it, it might be because:

• I tried to realize facts such as: everyone makes mistakes, everything changes, including those who once hurt you. Most of times these facts come randomly into my sight: through songs, mangas, etc.
• I’m not reacting directly when the familiar bruises come. For me, it makes things a lot worse if I do so. Immediately create space & close it only when I have cooled down. SUPER HARD I know, I fail a lot too. 
• Time heals. I kinda trust in the power of time as I’ve seen many seasons changed. Happy and sad, good and bad, both are proven to come & go. There goes also the power in writing down my hard times. it feels good to read ‘em and think “I don’t wanna go back and feel that again” or “oh my god what I’m feeling now is incomparable with that worst time of my life” :)
  

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So.. I hope the bruises that I said I have moved on from will never bring me back to tears when I think about it. Also, I might let you know in the future when I’m more sure about how to move on :)

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