26

I turned 26 recently. Now my age is closer to 30 than 20. Isn’t it crazy?
This year feels even more like golden daylight than last year- so I guess it’s safe to say that I’m on the right track.
Anyway, here are some highlights of this year that I think are worth mentioning & sharing:

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I become clearer about what I want & I don’t want.

‍I used to firmly believe that “Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed my life.” Actually, I still believe it - but not to the same degree. When I was younger and much more clueless about what I like or what I want to do in life, the quote sure did help a lot for me to gain courage and try new things. However now it doesn’t feel that relevant anymore. “Losing my precious time & energy to chase opportunities that I don’t really want” doesn’t sound good either. There are way too many opportunities & I know it would drain me if I try to pursue them in the name of “let’s try first and see later whether I really want it or not”. I think I value my time and energy better now.

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I developed a good habit to remind myself that everything will be okay even if I don’t get what I want.

‍I do still have things that I want to achieve & am working towards them, but I think I’m getting better at acknowledging that even what I have now is already enough. And this is my game-changer mantra this year. It has the power to lift up a lot of heaviness in my heart when I’m anxious and feel like I don’t do things right or enough. I even made it into a phone wallpaper that I would set every time I feel anxious:

There’s a song that also helps to remind me of this. I listen to it a lot this year.

“Don't try to have them all
There's nothing more to have
We got stars up in the sky
There's nothing more to want”
- Rich Kids Anthem by Epik Hgh feat. Lee Hi

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I’m getting better at living with uncertainties.‍

I remember last year I was having a hard time living with uncertainties. I wanted a definite answer to some things related to other people and the future. I pushed them to help me find the answers. I like to keep things open, but somehow there were some things that I wanted to close immediately. And when I was living like that, enjoying the presence felt like an impossible task. This year I’m trying to not worry too much about the uncertainties and live more at the moment. Of course the uncertainties and the worries are still there, I’m just getting better at handling them. I keep reminding myself that especially when a matter involves others people in the equation, it becomes something that’s harder for me to control. & what I need to do is to focus on things that I can control instead of pushing others to give me the answers I’m dying to know. “Ok so I know there are uncertainties and I will not know the answer soon. So is this uncertainty worth it? Should I stay or leave? It’s still worth it and I want to stay? Then let’s use the  precious time we have to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the uncertainties.”

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Living alone is my best decision this year.

Numerous people questioned me why I choose to live alone in a city where my family also resides, especially cause my place is actually quite close to my family’s home. In general the answer is to create an environment that can support my mental health and peaceful mind better. I believe by knowing what drains our energy & what energizes us is a very important 1st step in creating a supportive environment. I know that constantly being around people makes me feel suffocated. Yet as a social creature I still need meaningful connections with people. I feel like I can’t be totally relaxed & rest assured unless when I’m really alone. By living alone I can manage better to have enough space & time to be with myself - reserving enough energy & mental space to communicate with other people when I go out.

As you might already know, what we feel and the way we see life can change in a blink of an eye. I don’t know whether in the future I could resonate with what I wrote today, but this is who I am today. :)

Cheers to being 26 and I hope I could have a more peaceful life ahead!

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