25

These days I’m most curious about myself
Just like a 3rd person point of view
It’s weird that I am me
But I am also not me

I feel many things that don’t feel like me
But I know it’s okay to feel foreign things
And I don’t need to know it all
But deep down I still want to know nevertheless

Just like all people I have my problems
And putting them on the paper makes me feel like I could solve it
Yes, the keyword is “feel”
Without concrete actions they would only look be on paper

Instead of being okay with people not liking me
I’m more like, I don’t even know if they like or dislike me
And it's fine that way for most people
I guess being indifferent is a blessing

I curse a little, maybe a little too much
But I don’t really mind
What I mind is when I lose my cool
And I surely never want it to happen, again

From time to time I would feel lonely
But being alone feels too safe
To the point that I’m afraid
Of causing too much distance with my loved ones

I wanna know more people
Their ways of living and perspectives
But I often don’t feel like talking
And I’m aware of my capability to only keep a few ones close

My talent?
It’s crying over upbeat songs
Eating ice cream in cold weather
And being at my harshest state to the people I care about the most

I don’t think I have grand regrets in life
I consider most of my mistakes as valuable
Even if I did have one day
I hope I remember that I can only move forward

Voidness has been a familiar feeling for so long
And I would still choose to disappear if I could
Well I understand that I can’t
Hence I hope I could live my life to the fullest